It is interesting to think about how this concept of the Seven Deadly Sins has lasted in our culture. It would be nice to read a book that actually traces that thread in history, philosophy, psychology, and social science. This book is more interested in telling us what “society” expects of us. A raw cri de coeur, penetrating social analysis, and revealing personal reflection . . . Elise Loehnen deftly deconstructs one of the central ideological buttresses of patriarchal society: the shaming of women for having human desires, strengths, capacities, and strivings of body, mind, and soul. Doing so, she provides a guide to liberation and a return to the authentic feminine self.” —Gabor Maté, MD, New York Times bestselling author of The Myth of Normal

This is a hard book to review. Parts of it felt more 3-star to me but I'm bumping it to 4 because there are parts that definitely resonated. Her argument is that we're all (but especially women) living with a lot of unnecessary rules and guilt because of what's known as the "Seven Deadly Sins." She outlines how she thinks this thinking went wrong from a Biblical perspective. In the chapter on sloth, she laments the overwhelming busyness of modern life and in the next paragraph goes on a long tangent about how women need to step up and save the world. Since being codified by the Christian church in the fourth century, the Seven Deadly Sins—pride, greed, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath, and sloth—have exerted insidious power. Even today, in our largely secular, patriarchal society, they continue to circumscribe women’s behavior. For example, seeing sloth as sinful leads women to deny themselves rest; a fear of gluttony drives them to ignore their appetites; and an aversion to greed prevents them from negotiating for themselves and contributes to the 55 percent gender wealth gap. In the greed chapter, she encourages women to “lean in” and gives advice for how to succeed in the existing patriarchal structure (if you’re college-educated and middle class).In other sections, she talks about the evils of capitalism and how we need to stop trying to fit into the patriarchal structure but teach men to be more like us.

on (one's) best behavior

Having a daughter who is about to embark on her own life and going to college. I have always worried whether I have prepared her enough for her future years and the choices that I have made. On some levels I can say I am almost ashamed of some of the things that I have may portrayed and how they could be damaging to this culture of not supporting other women and isolating ourselves. I plan to remedy that before she leaves on her own life adventure. Mixing poetry, prescriptive challenges, and elements of memoir, Heche (1969-2022) delivers a narrative that is more encouraging workbook than life story. The author wants to share what she has discovered over the course of a life filled with abuse, advocacy, and uncanny turning points. Her greatest discovery? Love. “Open yourself up to love and transform kindness from a feeling you extend to those around you to actions that you perform for them,” she writes. “Only by caring can we open ourselves up to the universe, and only by opening up to the universe can we fully experience all the wonders that it holds, the greatest of which is love.” Throughout the occasionally overwrought text, Heche is heavy on the concept of care. She wants us to experience joy as she does, and she provides a road map for how to get there. Instead of slinking away from Hollywood and the ridicule that she endured there, Heche found the good and hung on, with Alec Baldwin and Harrison Ford starring as particularly shining knights in her story. Some readers may dismiss this material as vapid Hollywood stuff, but Heche’s perspective is an empathetic blend of Buddhism (minimize suffering), dialectical behavioral therapy (tolerating distress), Christianity (do unto others), and pre-Socratic philosophy (sufficient reason). “You’re not out to change the whole world, but to increase the levels of love and kindness in the world, drop by drop,” she writes. “Over time, these actions wear away the coldness, hate, and indifference around us as surely as water slowly wearing away stone.” Readers grieving her loss will take solace knowing that she lived her love-filled life on her own terms. Heche’s business and podcast partner, Heather Duffy, writes the epilogue, closing the book on a life well lived. What if women finally found freedom—because we gave it to ourselves? Elise Loehnen brilliantly reframes our toxic cultural programming and helps us to see that what we thought were our sins are actually our greatest virtues. This book is the gift we have all been waiting for.” —Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone Creo que ha sido una lectura que hace conexión con muchas otras que he leído este año, ha sido una gran influencia en cómo he visto mi vida en estas últimas semanas y si bien ya hace años que no practico ninguna religión creo que este libro dio por cerrada mi relación con esos dogmas. It combines a mixture of data, historical accounts and modern day stories to highlight the ongoing pervasive nature of the patriarchy.

She is very smart, a good writer, and also a bit woo woo herself. She has had some amazing experiences in interviewing celebrities and major thinkers. It's interesting because I wonder if she would've written this book if she hadn't lost her magazine job. Made me challenge my own stereotypes towards other women. ‘We believe in a women’s equality and yet, as women, feel guilt when we put our own needs forwards or uncomfortable when other women do the same’ There is a lot of good information here, mostly quoted from other sources, but there is also a lot of fluff and nonsense.If I had known the author was a former Goop employee, I wouldn’t have bothered. While analyzing history, fairy tales, myths, folklore, religion, and much more, Loehnen provides us with an important argument around how owning our desire leads to wholeness and a rich human experience not a sinful one. Provocative and bold , On Our Best Behaviour is a probing analysis of history and contemporary culture that explains how women have internalised the patriarchy, and how they unwittingly reinforce it. By sharing her own story and the spiritual wisdom of other traditions, Elise Loehnen shows how we can break free and discover a path toward a more balanced, fulfilled way to live.After finding out who Elise Loehnen is, the previous Chief Content officer for Goop, made me a little uncomfortable as Goop is a questionable company, as is its owner. I won't hold her accountable for the shittiness of said company, and owner, but I can choose to not read something by someone that worked so closely with such methods of thought. The first chapter, which we are warned is the most “academic,” offers a cursory, surface-level history of the patriarchy. The author cites no sources. Broad generalizations thin her authority. I learned nothing new about the patriarchy that I didn’t read as a freshman in college in the 90s. I expected a bit more insight into gender dynamics. These so-called 'deadly sins' have been used by the patriarchy to control women throughout our history. For instance, a fear of gluttony drives us to ignore our appetites and an aversion to greed prevents us from negotiating a better salary at work.

In Loehnen's words: "We need to process the ways in which the legacy of "goodness," defined as purity and abnegation, continues to both limit and torment us." The text is full of contradictions.She oscillates between referencing evidence-based scientific research and nonsensical woo-woo such as astrologers and mediums who channel both her deceased brother and Jesus himself. Half historical docent, half big sister with a hot cup of tea, read this and change your life' TERRENCE REAL I can say I learned some cool things like about the Eight Thoughts, that it was taken and mashed into the Seven Deadly Sins by christians, taking away Sorrow. Learned that sinning originally meant "missed the mark" in Hebrew and Greek so it was more forgiving than christianity allowed it to be. I appreciate the outright critique on christianity as well.The golden thread of the 7 deadly sins was a really interesting take on this topic and Elise Loehnen makes incredibly clear and rational arguments to support her hypothesis. The author pays attention to the particular challenges faced by those in the minority who face additional discrimination but recognises that in the position of a privileged white woman she cannot speak to their experiences. Highlights the conflicting priorities or a patriarchal society (looking after the children’s and men) vs the capitalist society (work to make money)-the result of which is that women try to do it all. In the insightful and captivating book, On Our Best Behavior: The Seven Deadly Sins and the Price Women Pay to Be Good, author Elise Loehnen takes a unique and thought-provoking approach to examining the societal pressures that women face. Through the lens of the traditional Seven Deadly Sins, Loehnen explores how these age-old vices manifest in the lives of modern women, revealing the high cost they pay for trying to meet impossible standards. This book is a must-read for anyone seeking to understand the complexities of being a woman in today's world and looking for a refreshing perspective on the challenges they face.